Finding the perfect match
A principal mentor shares his thoughts on mentoring and the benefits that can be gained from a good relationship between mentor and mentee.
Eleanor Yap
 |
With over 30 years of human resource development experience in business, Government and education, AC Ho is finding his calling in mentoring. He is currently the principal mentor in CNPL and takes his role very seriously. He shares what it means being a mentor and how with building trust, a mentor relationship can go a long way.
|
You have been referred to as a “principal mentor” in CNPL, what does that mean exactly?
I am a volunteer in CNPL, and as a volunteer I try to use my experience and interest to make a contribution. Sir Ken Robinson (an internationally recognised leader in the development of education, creativity and innovation) says it best when he defines “the element” as the place where the things we love to do and the things we are good at come together. You may say mentoring is my element.
When I was invited to join CNPL two years ago, I found opportunities to mentor others as well as helping some new mentors. Because I no longer work full-time and I make myself available to CNPL to work with the mentoring programme and individuals, somehow the honorific title of principal mentor is the closest thing to differentiate me from the many mentors who are working with heads of NGOs and who may be better qualified and experienced than myself.
As the principal mentor at CNPL, I have set aside a day once a month to meet prospective mentors and mentees as well as professionals from the commercial sector who are thinking of joining the social sector. I find this monthly ‘meet-the-mentor’ day exciting and challenging. I am inspired by some of the people I have talked to, especially those who want to give back to society at the prime of their careers. Such individuals reinforce my motivation to serve as a volunteer.
Can you share a story of a person you mentored whom you won’t forget anytime soon and who has achieved his or her own success as a result?
Looking back at the many mentoring situations, I remember meeting a young man in a bus one day and asking him two simple questions: “What are you doing?” and “What are you going to do for the rest of your life?” He told me that he was a draftsman for a furniture company and he had no idea what he’d do for the rest of his life. We had a meeting later and we talked about his future, including becoming an architect but he did not have the financial means or the academic qualifications to gain admission into a local university. This young man was not discouraged and over the next few months he made plans to go to an inexpensive college in the US where he was able to work and pay his own way. Later, he went on to earn a Master’s degree; today, he is happily married and has a wonderful wife and two sons.
On the other hand, I have worked with senior executives in corporations who may look very successful to their subordinates and peers on the outside but deep inside some are unhappy, suffering from self-doubt and guilt. In such cases, our mentoring agenda includes work-life balance issues such as career, financial, family, and physical well-being. Taking my suggestion, one executive surprised his wife and son by installing a weekly ‘family-evening’ programme so that he could commit and spend quality time with them. He told me that when life was good at home, it was easier to take the pressure at work.
I have also gone on business trips with one of my mentees and observed how he worked and interacted with clients. And in the evening we would go out for dinner and talk about business and personal issues. I would give him some feedback and we’d work on things that would move him forward such as what he could do differently in the future. I got to know him and his family, his ambition, goals and values. A mentoring relationship such as this can only be built on trust, respect and confidentiality, something a family physician can claim.
How has mentoring played a part in your own life, in other words, have others mentored you?
Yes, I have been mentored by many people, though they may not think so in the formal sense. I like to think of Dr and Mrs Soren Cox as our most important mentors in life. When my wife and I were going to Brigham Young University in Utah in the 70s, we lived with Dr Cox (an English professor), his wife, Fern, and their five children. Most of the mentoring was on how to live a good life – loving one another, showing respect and caring in the family – was done through life demonstrations and storytelling. Every Monday evening, we would have a family gathering and we learned values and how to raise a family in righteousness. We were introduced to the Cox’s extended family of uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers and sisters, and believe me, when we had a family gathering it was story time. And some of the stories were so funny that we rolled on the floor with uncontrollable laughter. Dr Cox also introduced his neighbours and church members to ensure that we had other experiences beyond his own family.
In summary, this may not look like mentoring in the corporate world where a bank CEO is matched to a new executive director of an NGO, but mentoring is basically a personal relationship – it is about one person helping another person find his own success.
In the corporate world I had the benefit of some mentoring and I wish I had more. Nevertheless, I am thankful to one manager who saved me from falling into hell’s fire. We had just moved into a new office and on my floor was a “manager of special projects” who had a close relationship with the big boss. She was indeed a charmer. My manager ‘mentor’ pulled me aside and said, “No matter what happens, have nothing to do with the “manager of special projects”. I took his advice seriously and kept out of the charmer’s way; but two other managers on the same floor were mysteriously fired.
What are your thoughts on mentoring as a leadership process?
Yes, indeed mentoring is a key process for leadership development. There is the “70-20-10 rule for learning and development”. If I may loosely interpret as 70 percent of an employee’s learning comes from working on-the-job; 20 percent from feedback given by managers and peers; and 10 percent from workshops and reading, then having a mentor can impact an employee’s development in a very significant way. Imagine if you have a mentor who can help you with what you do on your job and give you direct feedback – your manager would be the most appropriate person for this role. Unfortunately, we send people away on expensive courses and workshops on leadership and then we wonder why nothing happens. We believe too much in miracles.
On the other hand, people generally fail to see the value and benefit of mentoring and therefore don’t take it seriously. You cannot blame such people because they never had good mentoring or mentoring is not available to them. It is like having the sun out on a summer day but the people are wearing blindfolds.
Another reality is that there are not many good mentors around. Being assigned or called a mentor and being a mentor are two different things. There are people who think having 20 years of work experience qualifies them to be mentors. Mentoring requires a certain mindset of caring and helping – in short ‘wanting to be a blessing to others’. Next, a mentor needs a toolkit of skills – listening, goal setting, visioning, following through, asking questions, encouraging, empowering and influencing. Very important, a mentor should have some models of people development, for example, understanding the requirements of a high-potential employee (i.e. ability, engagement and aspiration) and how to turn a high-potential employee into a high performer. Thus, mentoring is not a natural gift, like having white hair but a competence that can be developed like a family physician who not only has the skills but is respected and trusted.
I liken a mentoring relationship to a good marriage. It begins with a couple, each saying: “I don’t know you”. Then you start to do things together and one party says: “I like what you do”. The other also starts to do some fun things and the exchange message becomes, “Hey, I like you”. Over a period of time, they whisper, “I love you”. Then comes a time when they declare, “I must have you”. This loving relationship goes on with the yearning, “I must have more of you”. Finally, the mentor says, “I must move on for I have others to take care of ... you can take care of yourself now. Perhaps, you should take care of someone else. Time for you to be a mentor.”
What makes a good mentoring relationship?
Let me put it this way: For mentoring or a coaching relationship to be great you must have an able and willing mentor, plus an open and interested mentee. One without the other will not work. Like they say, when a teacher is ready, students will appear; when students are ready, a teacher will appear. I like to borrow from the findings of the CIO Executive Board’s study on the characteristics of high-potential employees – it defines a high potential employee as someone with the ability, engagement and aspiration to rise and succeed in more, more critical positions.
While ability is measured by a combination of the innate characteristics and learned skills that an employee uses to carry out his or her daily work, aspiration is about the extent to which an employee wants things such as prestige and recognition in the organisation, advancement and influence, financial rewards, work-life balance trade-offs and overall job enjoyment. What about engagement? It consists of four items: emotional commitment – the extent to which the employee values, enjoys and believes in the organisation; rational commitment – the extent to which the employee believes that staying with the organisation is in his or her best interest; discretionary effort – the employee’s willingness to go ‘above and beyond’ the call of duty; and intent to stay – the employee’s desire to stay with the organisation.
When a mentee has the aspiration and engagement as described above, the role of the mentor is sometimes like a door-opener or bell-boy – he has only to find the right doors, and the mentee eagerly walks through. Even with a high level of ability but without aspiration and engagement, a mentee may sit in the middle of a courtyard and say to the mentor, “Find me a wider door that is not too far away or call me when I am not busy checking my Facebook.”
So among the first things I do when I get a new mentee is to check his level of aspiration and engagement. With aspiration and engagement, it would be a soaring relationship (the sky’s the limit). However, without aspiration and engagement, mentoring could be a sore experience.